Category: - DC
 
EVERYTHING GOING SUPERB IN FANTASY FOOTBALL I SHOULD BE CRUISING TO AN EASY VICTORY TO SEAL MY NUMBER ONE STATUS ON THE INTERNET but then lesean mccoy gets injured after only getting a measly 4.5 yards, sealing my fate as a slobbish number 2.

However, this fate is much better than the fate suffered by Mason levy, who appeared to be on the rise and almost made it to the playoffs, only to be outskilled by kevin meagher and then... JAKE LOTWIN, and ended up in last place cause hes bad.

An even worse fate was suffered by Thai nguyen, who foolishly bet me in the semifinals that he would win the match. Well, turns out he lost and he has to sing "a thousand miles" by some venessa chick as well as hold up what is going to be a rather humiliating sign all the while wearing my eagles jacket and eagles cap.

his song will then be put up with jake's song for an epic poll





also ZQ's team ended up being all hype and got a dissapointing 3rd place (badkidismad)
 
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big plays?
im white hes black
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CLOSE GAME?
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NOPE TAKE SOME LESSONS SON
GET GOOD SMALL SON
 
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SLIGHTLY BIASED
Actually what happened was that there is bryant on the first floor talking to his mom while me and kenneth idling upstairs with some water cups. I strategically empty my water cup before going  downstairs because I dont want to look like I am wasting water. As I enter the living room with kenneth, I see Bryant's mom so I move my left arm forward to make that one signature wave thing that I do. Anyways, the relaxation of my arm (putting it back down to my sides) was perfectly synced with the raising of my left knee to walk forward, causing my knee to come into contact with the bottom of the cup in a very unfortunate manner.
also megan blows at battlefield 3 trolololololololololololololololololololol
 
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confirmed mad.
So after dropping both his games against.... ZHIQIAN peng, Kevin has completed his fall from playoff contender to honored member of the dumpster squad. Meanwhile, Jake lotwin climbs from last place to 5th place with wins last week and this week over number 2 randy, and is now one game off of playoffs and has proceeded to become the new troll of the room by asking "umad???" to everybody that he beats.


EDIT : HOLD THE PHONE, POSTED PREMATURELY?? RANDY IS MAKIGN A BIG COMEBACK WITH JORDY NELSON


REVERSE EDIT: IT APPEARS AS THOUGH RANDY HAS STOPPED SHORT OF AN EPIC COMEBACK BY 2 POINTS, JAKE LAUGHS ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK RANDYMADMADMADMADMADMADMMADMADMMADMDAMDMADMMADMDAMADMADMMAD
MADMADMADMDAMMADMADMADM
 
VARIOUS ASIANS + WHITE GUYJARED decide to barge into my house and ninja make me a facebook out of thin air, now I am stuck with this timesucking thing that sucks and dont even know how to use. watisthis?





 
KK so after Mason lost to me in fantasy football he was supposed to go ahead and sing a famous Taylor swift song as punishment but lo and behold his fucking balls dropped off and decided to pussy out and avoid singing for 2 weeks while putting his arms around his head and saying "LALALALALA DODGE?""" LLAOALALA"

Anyway, after many attempts to peer pressure him into singing, I cut a deal where I would sing one song and then he would sing a song. After I sang the song, the peer pressure piled up 10x and mason was forced to give in. May I present to you:
1.) Mason Singing "Mine"

2.) Dennis singing "Love Story"
 
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huge head + no neck = no problems
IDK HOW THIS PIC GOT OUT BUT APPARENTLY IT DID. IDK HOW TO REACT OTHER THAN I AM PRO WITH A FUTURE UNLIKE SOME OTHER PEOPLE ON THE SAME PICTURE (???)
 
Kkkk everyone eating various slices of various pizzas at this food court place next to the movie theatre in peace + watching the world series when all off a sudden....

Kenneth/Megan: OLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Kenneth/Megan: TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
me/jared: ?
Kenneth/Megan: GUYS LOL ROFL AT THIS!

/// shows us the video of the guy getting paralyzed
Kenneth/Megan: OMG SO FUNNY
me: ...
Jared: HES FUCKING PARALYZED FOR LIFE WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU
Kenneth/Megan: NO HES NOT LOL THIS IS HILARIOUS OMG

one day later:

Kenneth/Megan : woopslol
 
Mason is pumped full of extra testosterone due to his stunning rise in fantasy football power projections over the last few weeks and senses his opportunity to burst into the top tier of the league with a win over me today. This moron got so lucky as to face me on the week the Eagles have a bye so he is favored to win by an incredibly large margin. No worries tho, my balls are just as large as his because I havnt jacked off in like 2 days and have placed the following wager on the game:

1.) Loser has to sing taylor swift into their microphone
2.) Singing is recorded
3.) Singing gets put up on website



my FloatesMcgoates will sail to an effortless victory over Mason's gonads NP
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mason talking big to compensate for penis size
 
Coming to nobody's surprise, the fantasy football league rankings up to saturday october 15th are as follows
1.) WILLIAM "stigged" PENG
2.) Dennis "FloatesMcgoates" Cao
3.) Kevin "Republicans win" Meagher <--- btw meagher is spelled kind of like meghan HMM?
4.) Randy "sushi" Hiroshige
----------- (top four go to playoffs)
5.) Thai "Thaitanium" Nguyen
6.) Mason "go nads" levy
7.) Ty "GG KEV U MAD?" Kaufman 
8.) Jake "dunno his team name but he sucks huge balls" Lotwin

Pulling the number one spot out of his fucking ass is this william fellow who immigrated in the third grade. Going into the draft, he had no idea what the hell he was doing so he decided to "troll" kevin by first picking aaron rodgers. Turns out kevin goes for the counter troll by picking william's favorite bandwagon quarterback tom brady. Then, the two negotiate a SUPERSECRET trade. Anyway, william procedes to stack his entire team full of new england patriot players because he knows 0 about anybody else who plays in the NFL and he crosses his fingers while holding his balls hoping for wins.

WELL then out of 100% luck it turns out after 5 weeks of play William rode the patriot penis all the way to first place. Now, he thinks he is the lord of all football and has began giving out advice to other players.
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SIGH
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This shit is unbearable
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HOLY SHIT GENIUS ALERT

Of course, I did the same thing as william only instead of stacking patriots players I have stacked Eagles players for equally good results, EZ number 2 seed no problems?

The other story here is that the 3 white kids in the league are scrambling to explain why they r sucking so much dick
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typical excuses + nice english bro
jake just sucks nice 1-4 chap dont worry I provide fantasy football lessons for $9.99 per hour paypal to DennisCao@live.com