Even before the games begin, Shyam has struck fear into the heart of the white community. In an effort to resist this new coconut force, Mason, Ty, and Jake (Who has the most original and innovative name, "Shyamsgay") have decided to change their names en masse to intimidate the new comer. Will
So this fantasy football draft is in less than an hour and I am not worried at all, as most of this year's crew is the same as last year's, and last year's was the easier league i've ever played in. Of course I cruised to the championship game where Randy beat me by accident, and have a 107% chance of doing so again.
In case anyone has forgotten, last year we had an 8 person league comprised of four asian nerds studying computer science / neurobiologyengineering and four various white honors jocks. The white kids were confident that they knew football better than the asians but they carelessly neglected to remember that fantasy football is a computer game. At the end of the season, all top four spots were taken by asians and all the whites were clumped at the bottom of the league.
First Place was Randy Hiroshige, who won by complete luck. This guy only had the 5th most points scored in a league where the top 4 move on to the playoffs, indicating he had the easiest schedule of all time. Furthermore, the guy was the last seed and barely beat out jake for that spot.
I had second place because I was drafting Randy last year in order to surpass him into first place this year much like olympic cyclists do.
Third Place belonged to... WILLIAM PENG. This virgin had no idea what the fuck he was doing in the draft so he decided to clog up his roster with a carbon copy of the roster of the New England Patriots. Somehow, this caused him to get the #1 seed and have the most points at the end of the year. This only goes to show that randomly fucking banging your head against the keyboard still beats out tryhards further down on the list.
(ANYONE BELOW THIS POINT FARED WORSE THAN WILLIAM PENG)
Fourth Place belonged to Thai. I would trash his team but he decided that he couldnt take any more trashtalk because his balls have fallen off and decided not to come back this year, hes the only guy who didn't. (Watch those estrogen levels yo)
Fifth place was held by Kevin Meagher, who coincidentally had the closest relations with the asian group at school. This boy goes around proclaiming himself to be the biggest cocksucker of the Packers that has ever existed, but his team had the Chicago defense as its starting defense and had Percy Harvin as its best wide receiver. Also, Kevin has this strategy where he goes around being a pussy all week before the game saying things like "OMG IM GOING TO LOSE I KNOW IT", only to start trashtalking if he gains a lead during the game "LOLGGFAGGOT", only to lose the game and the end and ragequit skype. (see video)
Sixth was Ty Kaufman. Now this guy decided he was going to go big plays and attempt to intimidate kevin by having his fantasy team named "GG KEV U MAD?" The only problem here is that he fucking ended up lower than Kevin in the rankings. Also, this moron decided it would be a good idea to start Peyton Hillis at running back, the white guy running back (LOL).
Jake Lotwin held the esteemed position of being the second worse in the league. Of course everyone saw this coming when used his number one draft pick to select Arian Foster, a guy who everyone but Jake knew was injured and was going to be unable to play for the first few games of the league. The guy also pumped his team full of Chargers for some reason.
Now the worst player in the entire league was Mason Levy, which is pretty fucking sad because he was clearly trying desparately not to suck as much dick as he ended up sucking. The average amount of moves made by a team was 19, Mason made 30 moves (the most) in an attempt to get himself out of the dumpster but was just unable to do so because his diaper was too soggy. He also likes to randomly complain by posting messages in the public board that have horrible fucking english
"I would like everyone to notice that i have the mod points against me by a lot compared to everyone else and I am up there for points for. I do not deserve to be in 7th place. Jake on the other hand, does suck. that is all." Well mason, you ended up lower than jake on the rankings so please stfu k.
And that wraps up the returning players, new players are Daryl Frigialiasdnaisn, Chris Rierdon, and SHYAM RAVICHANDRIANIA. I imagine they are all trash.